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date: Sunday, June 28, 2009
time:7:32 AM
is changing the only way?
everything that you says, are right. everytime i made a mistake, i knew, it is so disappointing. when i can't change myself at time when you gave me so much time. it is so hurting. when you're there concerning, but i'm not there looking forward on to it. i don't understand myself, why. i kept continue to bring back the past when i say i won't and don't, even promise. i want me myself to change so much. but why. i'm there being stuck here when you're there helping me. it is so upset, when you're not rushing me for this relationship. but, why am i rushing. i dont want to keep repeating the past where we said we will move on. and in the end it appear suddenly right infront of us. i dont want you not to trust me as i say i won't do it but it appear again as your trust will eventually fade away for me and hard to believe me next time. i know what i'm doing but it is after i do or say. why do i always ask you questions neither of us dislike. i don't really know myself well enough. never i want you to feel guilty for me. but my mind is just telling me, do for the best in this very worthy love of ours. whenever problems in us appear. i felt so useless where i can't solve it which i say i can. i'm partly blaming myself and another part is where i said i promise you i whenever there's a problem, i will bring it to the lowest. and i understand problems caused by two person. but when problems come, we can't be equal anymore. faults between us is more to one of us. it is always me who started it first from asking questions which you don't like to hear. yes. problems are easy to solve. but why am i eventually be so paranoid of such stuff. i did made the right choice to be with you. and i'm truely happy for everything that you have done for me. behind me where i didn't knew about it. you really made a very good gf where you disagree. but. you're really are. even though some sentences of yours hurts me that much. but i don't even care, i continue to love you and not disappointed in you. both of us made mistakes and no one is perfect. but you're someone. who is reaching to the extend where is really prefect for me. maybe to you is hard to believe now. but i'm saying the truth and fact. i'm always there beside you, encouraging you, caring you, loving you and having faith in. even though we had a hard time pushing the boulder away from our route. i always tell you to stay strong, to remind you to keep on the right track. but not by decreasing your feeling down. i'm always here okay. i'm always here for you. as i really do love you, so much..baby. smile? please?
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